Man! Am I in a foul mood.
I cannot quite put my finger on it, but t has been building for quite awhile. I woke up today, in the dark and realized it was not the middle of the night.
Freakin idiots! Messing with when the clocks get turned back! What on earth were they THINKING anyway?
And it only got worse as the day wore on.
My freaking laptop is acting up again. Freaking Drupal has yet another freaking security update. Drak is upgrading the servers that host all my freakin web sites. I cannot find the stupid pictures I sent to my freakin Verizon Wireless online gallery. The freakin sink is filled with dirty dishes. My insurance is refusing to pay the freakin bill for my PET scan.
... And my best friend is very sick. My coven sister had to go back to Ohio because her uncle died. My former coven sister is watching her father die. One of my students is ill. And I disappointed a dear friend by taking back a promise I made.
And ... crap crap crap craptastic!
All these people I love in a huge amount of pain ... and all I got to offer is a bad mood. So freaking pitiful.
Sometimes, I just want to freaking yell, "Just what the hell do you want from me anyway?" at the top of my lungs.
But all I do is sit on the edge of my sofa, chew on my lower lip, and furrow my brow.
And then I remembered something my healer/elder once said to me. She talked about how she would call up her mentor whenever she was in a bad mood. And how he would let her rant, rave and whine. He would encourage her to be as cranky, illogical and fussy as she wanted to be. And how he loved her for it. He would love her so much ... she would feel less and less cranky... till she felt better.
I wonder who I can call and be cranky with ... and whether this person would love me in all my fussiness, pettiness and poutiness (yeah I made the word up -- what of it?). And I can honestly say ... I dunno ...
And then I remembered ... I can write it out here. And ... and ... I can say freaking instead of what I usually say and folks would get it.
And I can whine, rant, rave ... till I felt better ... or at least different.
And now, I am sad. But it is the kind of sad that makes sense to me. I know why I am sad. Come to think of it ... that is a whole lot better.
So thanks for listening ...