Embodied & Soaring

The next morning, I fell ill. As I lay there racked with pain and torment, I could hear my medical-intuitive's voice calling me to be present. Calling me to not disassociate from the pain. And so the tears swelled and I cried out for my mother; I cried out for the gods. I even accepted human assistance and allowed this gentle, nurturing woman to actually tend me and offer me comfort. I was both humbled and honored by her loving kindness and mercy.

Even now, I am staying as long as I can in the here and now and in my body, while also recognizing that there is nothing wrong with my true nature either. I am not seeking to change what I am; I am a driven, strong willed, intellectually curious woman. But I can slow this human vehicle down some. I can abide by speed limits; even install some traffic lights as necessary. And one-way to slow down is to open my heart, open my Yin and open my perpetual fetal.

And so I am crafting a new pattern for myself; one where slowing down happens first. Slow down before I begin my day. Instead of crafting a strict regimen unrelated to how my body feels or the level of my energy, I began each day opening the perpetual fetal in whichever manner makes sense to my body. One day I may do yoga restoratives, while another day I may massage my painful Yin nodes. Some mornings I will do both. And then I follow the wisdom of my body moving into asanas as I feel called till I retreat into the calm of simply breathing. At some point I will sit for a while in whatever position calls to me, half lotus, in a chair or reclining on the sofa. And then begins the next phase, deep meditation and self-reflection. I will allow my mind to at times wander a bit before calling her gently back. Ending with journaling and quiet stillness. Beginning each day with an uncoiling of the serpent, a releasing of any pent-up anxiety or rage. I leave others to train their will, me, I need to learn the art of release.

I am hoping to develop a touchstone of stillness that I can use whenever I feel like I am speeding again. I had actually begun this work the day I fell ill. Today I begin again.

And today, just as I ended my practice, I opened the mail to discover I had received an automatic speeding ticket. The irony was not lost on me as I quietly chuckled. The Yin meridians flow from earth to sky. This letter was a message from the deep rich soil of my flesh to the bright airy realms of my mind. "Slow down or else."

Message received. I am willing to listen. I am opening. Please teach me.

2006©Katrina Messenger

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